Frying Eggs

The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling...

"CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! MORE OIL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM NOW!!! WE NEED MORE OIL!!! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!! THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!"
The wife was very upset, "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replied, "This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me..."

Noise Abatement

"Flight 1234," the control tower advised,
"Turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement.."

"Roger," the pilot responded, "But we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir," the radar man replied,

"Have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

Tough Exam

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics..
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:

"Using everything we have learned this semester., prove that this chair does not exist.."

Fingers flew..

Erasers erased..

Notebooks were filled in furious fashion..

Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair..

One member of the class however., was up and finished in less than a minute..

Weeks later when the grades were posted.,

the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all..

His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

Repairs

When a guy's printing on his printer began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned..

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself..

Pleasantly surprised by his candor., he asked., "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly.. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.."