Drawing the Impossible

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew..

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork..

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was..

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God.."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, "They will in a minute.."

Ploughing the Land

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends..

They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him..
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50..

The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free..

The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today.."

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night??"

"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night, is when I put the water in the hole..!!"

Three Envelopes

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing...

On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer.. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve..." 

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all...

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope...

The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!!" He does this and gets off the hook...

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems... The manager quickly opens the second envelope... The message read, "Reorganize!!" This he does and the company quickly rebounds...

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope.. The message inside says

"Prepare three envelopes..."

Annoying Parrot

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly.."

Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work..

On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly.."

She was incredibly ticked now.. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly.."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.. The store manager replied, "That's not good.." and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady.."

She paused and said, "Yes??"

The bird said, "You know.."

Life's Crazy Rules II

• The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay...
• Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens...
• First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else...
• Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references...
• Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale...

Life's Crazy Rules

• Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money..
• Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five..
• Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it..
• Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed..

Hunting Flies..

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly catcher..

"What are you doing?" She asked..

Hunting Flies" He responded..

Oh!, Killed any?" She asked..

"Yep, 3 male, 2 Female", he replied..

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.."

Phone Call: Looking fo rne..

A young boy answers the phone.. A man says, "Hello is your dad around?"

The boy whispers, "Yes.."

The man then asks if he can talk to him..

"He's busy at the moment," the boy whispers..

"Then is your mom there?"

"Yes" the boy whispers..

"Can I talk to her?"

"No, she's busy," the boy whispers..

"Is there anyone else there?"

"Yes" whispered the boy..

"Who?" the man asked..

"A policeman," came the whispered reply..

"Well, can I talk to him?"

"He's busy too," the boy whispered..

"Is there anyone else there then?"

"Yes" whispered the boy..

"Who then?" the man asked..

"A fireman," the boy whispered..

"Can I talk to him?"

"No," the boy whispered, "he's busy.."

Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing..

"Looking for me.." the boy whispered..